you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
