You made me cry and you don't even care
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
