I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
