he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
