i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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