I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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