Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize