We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
