It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
