you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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