i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
