She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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