No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
