Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
