I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
