My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You're a waste of cheezeits
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
