I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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