A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
