Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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