When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
