My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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