16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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