hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize