sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
