Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
