I accidentally had phone sex last night
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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