I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
