I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
