Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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