Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
