Im at strip club and am horny
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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