how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
