I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
