im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
40s are totally the cure
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
