It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
