Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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