i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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