I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
