Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
