Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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