Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
