why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
