chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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