We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
