oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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