Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
