2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
