Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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