Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
