Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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