You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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