I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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