idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
