Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
