I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
