He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
