it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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