Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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