The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
