So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
