I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
