I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize