I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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