I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
