Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
