Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
