At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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