Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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