there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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