then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
