he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
