yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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