There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
