What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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