my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I look better un-naked...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just want nice things and good sex
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
