put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
