the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
