I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
