Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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