Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
