I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
