Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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