Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
