Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm like, not good at living.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
