We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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