Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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