Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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