If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
