Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Shame - the story of my life.
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