The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
