I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
